I started noticing Jon being short with me. His temper was flaring and the sweet calm and very patient disposition he usually carries was missing. I am very headstrong and believe Jon's world revolves around me! I refuse to walk away from a fight and demand that he sees things my way. I have no shame in admitting this because I know they are my shortfalls but the good news is I have learned a lot about myself within these past two months.
We finally reached a breaking point and really had it out. I was in constant tears and was so confused about everything. Things were going so incredibly wrong...the bed I ordered on October 31st didn't arrive until December 20th, our washer was delayed in getting here, we had no internet for 6 weeks which caused Jon's second job to lose a lot of money, Clara had two major falls within 2 weeks, Clara's crib finally arrived but it was damaged and had to be returned, our reimbursement money for the move was delayed and a huge chunk was taken out for taxes (which didn't have to happen if Jon's recruiter had told him to submit moving receipts- ahh!!), our brand new washer broke, I could seriously go on and on about the horrible luck we have had since moving here! But during our streak of bad luck we kept having strong feelings in our heart that this is where we were supposed to be. We absolutely love it here! We were just so sick and tired of everything going against us.
All of what I described above was hard on our marriage but especially hard on Jon. I wasn't realizing the burden my husband was carrying as the sole provider of our household. He has been (and is currently) working around 60 hours a week, (40 at the hospital plus 20 for his second job), and is training his replacement. She is 8 months pregnant which means she will go on a maternity leave which boils down to Jon continuing to work until she comes back. Last week we had our final argument and my world was crashing down on me. I felt weaker as a mother because all of my energy was being directed to fixing my marriage. Then one day Jon started talking to me about some personal issues he had been going through lately. I had no idea that on top of everything else there was more! I listened to him and didn't say a word. I looked into his eyes and saw love and sadness.
The next morning I woke up and decided to catch up on some blogs to distract myself from the here. I came across an amazing blog post that brought me to tears. It described exactly what was going on in my marriage. Jon's personal struggle and me taking it all so personal. The writer then gave out some advice which I decided to try. I do want to say before reading this post I had been searching the scriptures and reading General Conference talks hoping to get help. I felt so calm and it helped me to invite the Spirit into my heart. That's when I felt inspired to go to this website which I hadn't visited for a while. I want to share this link with you hoping that if you are struggling in your marriage that you can receive comfort in the authors words: http://marriageconfessions.com/2011/12/12/when-your-marriage-is-not-about-you/#comment-105632
1 comment:
I'm so sorry for your struggles Claudia, you guys are such a wonderful couple that I know you will work things out. I am going to read the post when my kids go to bed :)
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